Not so fun anymore

Dear Reader

Has there ever been a time when you were crazy serious about your career? So much so that all you thought about was your dream job at your dream company, improving your profile, creating an identity for yourself. That has always been my dream. I have always pictured myself working at a known corporate, earn enough money to support myself and my family, put my skills to use for the growth of the organisation and be an independent woman. I’m the kind of person who, when asked about plans, I go “…after this I’m thinking I’ll take this course, then apply…” My friends get frustrated and be like “Not career plans! Vacation plans!”

Being a Masters student and having no prior job experience (other than internships), I tend to look for learning opportunities so I can be job ready. I am also looking to try out different job roles to figure which one would suit me best. It is not easy to manage school, assignments and projects, volunteering and two internships simultaneously. I love doing each one of them. MBA was my dream and I love everything about it. I love teaching the kids at the shelter home. I love both the internships so so much! But it gets tiresome too. People say that it should be easy since it’s all remote-work. But you can only do so much in a day. Extra numbers don’t appear on the clock just because it’s work-from-home.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a rant. What I’m trying to say is, when you love something so much, it becomes that much important to you. You try so hard to give your best and to handle everything well, that when you fail to do so, it’s devastating, at least to me. At one point of time, it just stops being fun. My friend sarcastically calls that “adulthood kicking in”. And if you’re anything like me, please go ahead and roll your eyes to the eye-roll worthy comment of my sarcastic friend. Hell, I’m eye-rolling as I type.

The thought of not being good enough is terrifying. No matter how hard you try, there is always going to be someone better than you. And what about those dry-spell days when creativity takes a break. No matter how much you wreck your brain, nothing comes to you. You wish you could just put your hands inside your brain and search for Creativity and be like “Ah! There you are!” Yes, feel free to roll your eyes again. I know I should learn to take criticisms in a positive way, which is the usual case. But somehow this time I’m more affected than I should allow myself to be.